I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
