Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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