My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
