My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
