I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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