She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
