the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
