i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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