hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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