The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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