my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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