margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My friends, they love my intelligence
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
