Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
