yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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