Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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