he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
