I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize