saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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