my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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