My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
