Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
