I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
