I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
