You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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