o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
