did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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