I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
