I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
