I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
