The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
