Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
