guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
