Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
