He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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