hotel room ftw
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
