thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm at about main and main street
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
