My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
