OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
