My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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