addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
as a side note pls kill me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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