Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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