If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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