i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
