The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
