textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
