I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
