just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
