And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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