I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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