i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize