its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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