i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
