That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
