just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
