We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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