Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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