and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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