Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
