My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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