You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
