Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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