it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
