Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
